


Your Hoodie

by NalgeneWhore



Series: Elorcan One Shots [3]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, angst with a happy ending doe, dw babies id never end them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 22:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21204791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: heyyyy y'all! im putting all my writing here so fun timesim also on tumblrcheck me out bruh





	Your Hoodie

She had tried to stop reaching. 

Across the bed, for a body that would never be there again. Never again would it be hers to hold. Never again would that body be her protection, her salvation. Never again. 

He had left, to travel the world he told her. But she knew that he had left to get away from her. 

“Why? Why are you doing this?” Elide’s voice was trembling. Lorcan didn’t acknowledge her question and continued to take all of his belongings from her room and stuff them in a bag. “Lorcan. Please listen to me.” She was begging him through her sobs. Although she could see his restraint crumbling, the urge to comfort her nearly wrecking his resolve, he squared his shoulders and brushed past her, making a beeline for the door of her apartment. “Stop! Please don’t leave, baby.” She ran after him and grabbed his arm just as he was moving through the doorway. Lorcan looked down at her, face an unbreakable mask. “Stay, stay with me, don’t go. Please.” Lorcan said nothing save for the words that would ruin her and bang around her head forevermore. 

“I can’t, Elide. I love you but I can’t, we can’t do this anymore.” And then he was gone. 

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. They didn’t matter anymore. They all bled together, bending and folding into matter that had no importance. All they did was take her further away from her last moment with him.

They took her further away from the only person who could save her from this damnation.

The one that had broken her, broken her so completely, so fundamentally that it could never, would never be the same again.

The one she would never stop loving.

There it was. The integral truth that in her anguish, in her heartbreak, her being still yearned for him.

It was the only emotion Elide felt in its raw form. Everything else took too much energy so her world, her vibrant and sparkling world, turned muddled and muffled.

He was like a balm, refreshing and soothing, able to heal her and ease her pain.

And he would never be hers again.

The thoughts that swirled around her head were ugly ones, ones she feared.

Elide sat almost sunk into the couch of her apartment. The TV was on but she didn’t see anything, didn’t hear anything. Her mind always led back to him. And how she wished for just one more.

One more kiss. One more hug. One more night. And then one more breakfast, one more lunch and one more dinner.

And that if she added up the one mores, they would equal a lifetime. And she would never get to the part where she let him go.

But that wasn’t real. It wasn’t. He left. He wasn’t coming back.

A sinister voice in her head whispered that it was her. She had drove him away. She had made him leave. She was why he hadn’t talked to any of their friends for half a year. It was her.

A soft knock set her moving to the door. The digital clock glaring at her had her yanking the door open. The halfway angry greeting died on her lips.

“Lorcan?” A glance down her body had her realizing she was still clad only in the hoodie he had forgotten.

“Elide. Hi.” His proximity was too much, it was suffocating her. She needed space, she needed air. The room around her went fuzzy, her heartbeat pounding louder and louder, her breaths coming faster and faster. Vaguely she discerned large hands gripping her, slipping around her, lifting her to a warm, sculpted chest. She was being moved, past the glaring clock, past the couch.

Moments lasted until she and him were under the sheets, her still pressed to him. He shifted his hand from her shoulders to her hair, running it through her raven hair until her thundering heart calmed and she was left with the understanding that he was home. After leaving her.

“Lor,” her voice broke.

“Don’t speak, E. Just breathe.”

She swallowed past her dry and constricting throat. “No, what is this?”

“I have to explain.” She stayed silent this time, waiting for what she had been obsessing over for the last six months. She didn’t say anything but she raised from the bed and placed herself on the beanbag in the corner of her room, next to her books. “I had to leave. I wasn’t good enough for you, this wouldn’t have been good for you.”

“How do you know that?”

“You were better off without me, you know? I’m… I’m really happy for you.”

She let out the first laugh she had laughed in half a year. “You’re happy for me? You’re happy that you completely broke me? You’re happy that I haven’t been able to talk to anyone except for Aelin and Lysandra? You’re happy that I don’t leave this apartment?” Elide was standing now, hands wound in her hair in frustration. Lorcan looked up at her from his perch on the bed and the anguish flooding his pitch eyes was so real, it was though she would be able to hold it in her hand. 

“Do you think that these past six months have been easy for me?” asked Lorcan bitterly. “You think that I’ve been able to move on from this, from you?” He stood now but didn’t approach her. Elide was shaking in anger. Her hands dropped from her hair and she pointed an accusing finger at him. “No. You don’t get to do that.”

“Do what, Elide?” 

“You don’t get to come back here, disrupt my life, and have the balls to act as if it was me who left, me who abandoned you.” 

“I—” She raised her finger. “I’m not done talking.” Lorcan sighed and rolled his eyes. 

“You know what, Lorcan? Fuck you. You ruined me. I am completely and irrevocably shattered. I will never be the same again and it’s your fault. You broke me, fully and wholly.” Tears pricked at her eyes and she let them fall, letting him see what he had done to her. “And you didn’t even tell me why.” Lorcan fell heavily on the bed, head in his hands, shoulders hunched. “I wasn’t enough for you.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “I am broken and I am not enough of anything for you.” 

“You don’t think that I was broken either? You—”

“El, please, just let me talk, OK?” She nodded in confirmation. 

“I don’t deserve anything in life, least of all you and all you gave me. That’s why i had to go, why I left, why I,” he let out a long breath, “why I abandoned you.” 

Elide moved until she was standing in front of him, between his legs. She curled her hands into fists and halfheartedly banged his chest. “You don’t get to decide what I deserve and who is good enough for me, especially you. I loved you, I love you and all I wanted was for you to love me too.” Lorcan gripped her wrists.

“Don’t ever doubt whether I loved you or not. I will always love you, believe me.” Elide let out a dark chuckle. 

“Believe you? You left! How was I supposed to think that anything you ever said to me was real?” 

“I left because I loved you, because I love you.” Elide shook her head and tried to move back but Lorcan’s hands on her waist had her stuck in place. “I don’t believe you, Lor, I can’t.” 

“El, please, believe me. What else do you want me to say?” He shifted his hands to frame her face, Elide’s hands coming to cover his. He smoothed his thumbs over her cheekbones. She refused to meet his eye line instead finding the zipper on his jacket very interesting. “You never even said you were sorry.” Elide said it quietly that he almost missed it. Almost. “What?” She finally looked at him and he could see the flame burning. 

“You never said you were sorry for what you did.” His heart dropped, how could he have hurt this woman, this, this siren that loved him with all that she was. “I-I’m sorry, for everything. I didn’t want to waste your life with someone like me.” Tears leaked down his face and Elide gently wiped them with the sleeves of the his worn hoodie, the one he had had since he was in university, the one that had the scent elderberry and cinnamon intertwined, making a new smell that was utterly Elide and Lorcan. 

“I never felt like that,” she told him softly as she continued to graze her little fingers over his cheeks. 

“Like what?” Lorcan’s voice was broken. 

“Like I was wasting my life. Did you?”

“Never.” She smiled at him, soft and unsure, but it was the first time he had seen it in six months and Hellas save him if it didn’t have him wanting to fall to his knees. Lorcan studied her face, really studied and as the illusion of finally seeing her faded, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes. His heart broke, he had done this, it was his fault. “E? Are you okay?” 

She inhaled deeply and silver lined her eyes. “I am so tired, L. But I can’t sleep, can’t be in this room without you. I don’t sleep anymore.” The tears slipped free again and she collapsed against him, head resting in the crook between his shoulder and neck. He marveled about how natural it felt to have her cradled to his chest, his arms circling her tiny waist. 

“I’m sorry.” Elide didn’t say anything but he knew that she believed him. The pair remained wrapped up in each other for what seemed like a lifetime until Lorcan began to shift. A panicked sound escaped her and she gripped his collar. 

“What? What are you doing?” She began breathing faster and faster, tears slipping down her stunning face. “Hey, hey, hey, Elide, love, breathe with me.” He drew oxygen into his lungs slowly and Elide copied him until she sighed, calm.

He smoothed a hand over her hair and she leaned into his hand. “I’m just going home. I’ll come by in the morning, ok?” This distressed Elide more. 

“Please stay. Stay. Stay with me, please I need you to stay, Lor—” 

“El, hey, hey, it’s alright, I’ll stay.” Lorcan stood and smoothly swung Elide into his arms. He turned and set her on the bed, tucking the blanket around her. He moved to the other side, Elide’s inky eyes, wide and wet with unfallen tears tracked him from where she was curled. He stripped his jacket and shirt off until he was clad only in his sweatpants. He flopped down on his and before he could tug her to him, she curled into his side, head over his heart and her hands resting on his rib cage. Elide sighed, suspended, in total happiness. Lorcan pressed a kiss to her head and she hummed. “I love you, L.” His heart stopped beating, it had been too long since he had heard that, too long since he had said it. 

“I love you too, E.” Elide smiled into his chest. She tilted her head up and looked into his eyes, full of quiet love that ruined her. “How long are you staying?” 

“Until you want me to leave.”

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy y'all! im putting all my writing here so fun times  
im also on tumblr [check me out bruh](https://nalgenewhore.tumblr.com/)


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